


Inside The Disarray

by JJ1564



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Benny Lafitte & Dean Winchester Friendship, Caring Benny, Dean in Purgatory, Gen, POV Dean Winchester, Purgatory, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 06:33:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6108064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJ1564/pseuds/JJ1564
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean’s point of view from Purgatory, both when he was alone and when he met Benny.</p><p>This is my fourth fic for fandomhits on LJ, based on the song "Disarray" by Lifehouse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inside The Disarray

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer - The characters do not belong to me, but they own, and break, my heart!
> 
> Thanks to my Obi milly_gal for the super fast beta and spotting the Sarf London, now corrected!

It’s hard to relax enough to ever sleep very deeply. I’m so fucking exhausted but somehow my body keeps going on adrenaline, I guess. Fight or flight – that’s a good one, as if I have any damned choice. I got no idea how long I’ve been here but I do know there’s no escape.

Sometimes I think this is all a weird dream, or that I’m back in hell and this is some elaborate alternate universe, and that Alastair is watching, laughing, getting off on seeing me fight for my life.

But I know Sam killed Alastair years ago, and that I’m in Purgatory, ‘cause I was standing too close to exploding Dick - at least we killed that smarmy son of a bitch. The guy was more slimy and creepy than any shady politician. I know I’m still alive; I’m stuck here and it’s kinda alright.

I’m on my own and I’ll admit I miss my Sasquatch brother; it’s like a huge part of me is missing. Sam would make some smart comment about me finally acknowledging my feelings if he knew - and I’ll never tell him. I know Sam’s looking for me, he’s probably got his head buried in a pile of old books if he’s not surfing the ‘net, or he’s torturing demons to get information. I hope he’s okay and not got himself into any trouble, and yeah I know he’s an adult, bigger’n me, perfectly able to look after himself and kick ass, but he’s my little brother. He’s my responsibility. Always has been.

It’s kinda weird though, how I’ve got to almost like it here. It’s easy - I just kill whatever walking nightmare attacks me and I don’t need to worry about right or wrong, if they deserved it, if I could save them and all that shit. I just have to survive and I’m pretty damned good at that. It’s kinda pure here, despite the disarray. Fuck, now I’m making no sense at all.

********  
So, it looks like I’ve teamed up with a fucking vamp now. A vamp called Benny. Yeah, I hear ya, what about the killing everything that moves, about me being happy surviving on my own while waiting for Sam to get me the hell out?

Well, seems Benny knows a way out of here, and he needs me to use it, so I guess we have a mutual goal. I got no reason to think he’s lying; he could kill me in my sleep or use me as his personal blood bank, but so far he watches out for me while I sleep. I didn’t trust him at first, wouldn’t let my guard down enough to sleep until I was so exhausted I fell over. But I didn’t fucking pass out, no way, I don’t pass out, I must’ve hit my head as I fell. When I woke up Benny was sitting on guard; he’d killed another vamp while I was sleeping, and he’d even taken his own coat off to cover me.

All of it’s pretty weird; I mean, he’s nothing like any vamp I’ve met before. He’s a fantastic fighter, of course, and I’m pretty glad to have him watching my back. And he’s got this old-style way of talking - he’s from Louisiana, and has a soft Southern drawl. I could listen to him speak for hours, it’s kinda soothing. He calls me ‘brother’, and I kept telling him to quit it but I’ve kinda got used to it. And he has bright blue eyes; they look so cold when he kills, but they sparkle with life when he smiles and when he looks at me like he actually cares about me. Hell, I know he doesn’t, I’m just his ticket outta here, and he’s mine. It’s not like we’re friends or anything like that.

I’ve told Benny stuff I’ve never told anyone, ‘cause I figure if we get out, he’s not gonna spill the beans. And he’s easy to talk to; he don’t get upset or judgmental or angry like Sammy does. So, as I tell Benny about the time I got arrested for stealing peanut butter and bread, and that Dad left me in jail, Benny just listens. Sam would get in a rage about what a bad father Dad was; same old, same old, and I wouldn’t even get as far as telling him that it was the highlight of my fucked-up teenage years. The deputy felt sorry for me I guess, and took me to Sonny’s home for bad kids, and it turned out to be a great place to live; I even liked my school, I had a girl, and Sonny was a good guy. Sometimes I wish I’d stayed when I had the chance…

“Why didn’t you?” Benny asks, curious.

“It wasn’t really an option. I couldn’t just quit my family. Couldn’t leave Sammy…” I pause, unwilling to admit the reason.

“You couldn’t leave him with your dad,” Benny guesses, adding, “I take it they didn’t get along?”

“Nah,” I grin at him, “those two were like oil and water, never meant to get along.”

“And you were the buffer.” Benny‘s got that kind look in his eyes and I don’t want him pitying me.

So, I fake a yawn as I nod, saying “Yeah, that was me.”

“You get some rest, brother,” Benny got up and stretched his long legs. He walked around the perimeter of our little campsite – well, it’s a fire and a cleared patch of dirt for me to sleep on – alert for any sounds or smells that might be trouble. “It’s all clear,”

“Thanks, Benny,” I lay down on the hard ground with a sigh.

“I betcha wish you didn’t have to sleep right about now.” Benny kneels down, close to me.

“Damn straight. I’d give anything for a mattress and a fuckin’ pillow.” I sigh, longing for even a lumpy pillow and a thin mattress.

“You can rest your head on me, if you want.” Benny moves so that he’s leaning against a log, his legs stretching out before him.

I should say no, but I guess I need comfort, and I don’t just mean a pillow. I thank him and rest my head on his thigh; it’s not exactly soft but it’s better than the ground. I’m drifting off to sleep and I think I hear Benny humming and feel him stroking my forehead, but there’s no way a vamp would be that caring. I must be imagining it, making it up, a kinda nice fiction to cover up the harsh reality.

But it feels like a weight’s been lifted; I got no clue where or when we’ll find the way out of Purgatory, but for now it’s alright.

I trust Benny, I like him, and I need him. I wouldn’t have it any other way.


End file.
